dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
