GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
