Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
