Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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