All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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