It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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