I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
