She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
