thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
