i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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