You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
