Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
