Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
