it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
