I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
