And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
