While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
