when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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