Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
