Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
