Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My ass is underappreciated
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
