Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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