I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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