I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
