Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
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If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
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I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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