I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize