in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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