i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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