i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
