pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
