hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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