Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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