Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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