I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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