She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
