Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
