I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
