I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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