i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
