Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
