do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
