I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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