tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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