It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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