I will die if light touches me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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