k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
