My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
