Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize