it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
