and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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