Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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