So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
