I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
