Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
