i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
