So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
