you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
