Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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