Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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