Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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