brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We're facebook friends in real life
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
