i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
