You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
