I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
