I can text with my tongue
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
