U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
