Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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