Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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